Thursday, October 09, 2008

A Counterblast to a Libelous Broadsheet

A Counterblast to a Libelous Broadsheet that has been circulated

Be it known to all & sundry that I do vehemently aver all scurrilous & Defamatory lies told about myself and my Commanding Officer.

1. It stated that my wife wished I were well hung,a lie.It is well know abroad that Rangers excel themselves beyond the dream of the common soldier with their ardent& skilled lovemaking.

2. That I would turn my coat for 2/6d was an0ther allegation. I have yet to see a coat of a foreign hue that could compare to my Greenjacket. It also may be noted that Rangers are Gentlemen & would do naught for Shillings & pence. Being Gentlemen we only accept Guineas.

3. True I have on occasion shewn comradeship & pretended loyalty to the French but only when soliciting secrets that may help with their ultimate defeat.

4. It states that Ranger HQ has denied all knowledge of me,true,at times they may have but only because of my work for The Ministry of Secrets & Information. I have on several times worked as tactical an advisor for The Iroquois Special Forces whilst on “Black Ops”.

5. Of the insults to Maj.Jager I fear our cowardly friend has gone far to far. Jager is a Hessian a fierce proud people who will go to great lengths to avenge a wrong. It would have been better had our friend thrown himself upon the tender mercies of the cruel Huron than fall into the somewhat hairy hands of Maj.Jager.

6. On the matter of the unkempt hair & matted beard I must admit a modicom of truth. I am sometimes lax on occasion with my ablutions believing a mans fighting skills are of more import than fine manners & an affected sense of fashion. On the matter of birds & small creatures inhabiting my beard ,they are after all Gods creations & who am I to drive them away. We all at times be in need of a warm place to rest.

If it is brought to my attention that any man is spreading these vile lies or is found passing copies of the said Broadsheet let him be very afraid for no Law of God or High Justice will avail him from my anger .I know something of the cruel ways of the Iroqouis & will shew them no mercy, except if they fall into the hands of Maj. Jager then I would wish Gods mercy upon them.

Signed by me Ranger Joy For the O/C Kiri Kiri Redoubt in the Coromandel Hinterland on this Day the 8th October 2008.


Wanted - Cliff


Clifford Joy

Also known as Klatch, and, The English Leprechaun

Long overdue for hanging, said Villain shall be apprehended forthwith and punished to the full extent of the law. His crimes so outrageous as to prevent moral men from writing them down, much less the anguish should women and small children read of them. Verily, even his long suffering spouse does wish he was well hung.

All true and Loyal subjects of his Majesty be warned. This blackguard’s affiliations are as inconstant as a woman’s whims. For 2/6 he will turn his coat in a trice. One moment he sides with the hated French and their heathen savage allies. The next he disavows all affiliation and knowledge. Though he be dressed in manner like one of Rodger’s Rangers, they claim no knowledge of him. His closest known associate, Major Jaeger, fully as hairy as Joy, is cut from the same cloth and is more beast than man.

No man, woman, or beast alive knows his face as it has for decades hence been concealed ‘neath a matted beard, bespeckled with remnants of his last several meals. Small animals, vermin and birds may well live within.

Petite of stature his limbs are yet wiry and none should underestimate the quickness of his actions or mind. He oft times portrays a clumsy and offish manner with which to lull his opponents into a state of unwariness. Only then does he shew his true colors. Which are oft times than not, Oafish and clumsy.